big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
