My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
