Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
