Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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