I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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