I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
