why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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