I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
