if only i could text you this smell
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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