Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Randomize
