tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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