Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
