Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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