the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
