I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
