I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
