I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is classic penis vs brain.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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