i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
