Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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