ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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