I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
