i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
