I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
