My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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