I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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