my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have peed in a lot of sinks
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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