My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize