So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
