Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
