Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
