I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is wine microwaveable?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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