Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
