he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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