There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
