the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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