I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
