A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
