Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
