No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
