fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize