Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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