remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
