I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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