Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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