BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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