He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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