My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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