I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
