I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
