The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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