so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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