ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
