apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
