I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
