Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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