mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
