you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
