I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
420 ftw
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
