I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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