haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
