when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
