she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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