She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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