All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
