omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
