So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i drank out of a bidet.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
