You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
