Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Shame is for Republicans.
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