Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We don't watch enough power rangers
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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