Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
