THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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