why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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