Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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