i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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