i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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