peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
only if we run a train.
done.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
