I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
