he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
