they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I could fuck to npr.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
