I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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