I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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