i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
