All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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