I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
