I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's shark week go big or go home
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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