Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
