I will die if light touches me.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
