just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
