What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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